Take it Home Newsletter - Winter 2012
Book Suggestions for Dads
- Kent Hughes, Disciplines of a Godly Man, Crossway Books, Wheaton, IL, 1991. This is superb resource about manhood in general, with one chapter devoted specifically to fatherhood.
- Robert Lewis, Raising a Modern-day Knight, Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, IL, 1997. The knighthood motif may not resonate with everyone, but this book has a compelling message about proactive fatherhood in which dads call their sons into manhood.
Our Calling as Parents: Courageous Dads
Being a dad is not for the faint of heart. Here are a few ideas to help men enjoy their role as dad, and perform it more courageously.
Be awed.
Consider this. A child’s heart runs in his father’s direction. Every child has an innate, God-given passion for dad. A boy longs to be affirmed by his dad, to be told “I love you, and I’m proud of you.” Many guys never hear those words from their dad. And they enter adulthood starving for the affirmation that only a dad can give. One man told me recently, “When I was growing up, my Dad never played catch with me, not even once.” Why should that matter now? Well, it matters even now because few things are as powerful as a father’s affirmation, and few things are as painful as the absence of it.
Little girls, too, are sponges that need to soak up the unconditional love and acceptance that comes from dad. In a very real sense we dads represent the love and acceptance of their heavenly dad. How awesome is that? Is there really anything I could possibly do with my life that is more significant than that? I don’t think so. This is an awesome privilege.
Be a learner.
No man enters fatherhood with experience. On the job training is all we get. And there’s a big learning curve. What’s more, many dads bring with them the baggage and wounds of growing up in the home of an absent, uninvolved, or emotionally distant father. They’ve never seen what fatherhood is supposed to look like. Such wounds are often perpetuated to the next generation.
As learners, we need to ask questions and search for answers: What does the Bible say a dad should be like? What are my son’s top three needs? How does raising girls differ from raising boys? How do I adjust my parenting style as the children grow? Though I may be able to “force” my kids to behave, how can I reach their hearts?
There are tons of resources available for all dads that want to step up their game. What is your strategy for learning how to be a better dad?
Redefine success as a dad.
What does successful parenting look like? Let’s try a multiple choice question:
Q. What is the benchmark by which I can know I have succeeded as a dad?
- A. My kids get straight A’s in school
- B. My kids grow up to take over the family business
- C. My kids become upstanding and productive citizens
- D. My kids get baptized and stay true to the faith as adults
I admit, any of those would feel nice. But none of those constitute success as a dad. Let me suggest a fifth option:
- E. Faithfulness to the task
You see, I ultimately cannot guarantee how my kids will turn out. God is calling me to be faithful. That is the real test of successful parenting. Though I would be excited to see my kids grow up to love God and be honorable citizens, I have no way to guarantee any of that. Each child is on his or her own individual journey, and I am only one factor in the equation. Don’t get me wrong. A dad’s influence is huge, and I am going to take my role seriously. Very seriously. But my success as a dad is about faithfulness, not outcomes.
Too often we make parenting about us. The unspoken belief goes like this: If my kid turns out good, then I look good, proof that I’m a success as a dad. Or if she turns out bad, then I look bad, proof that I’m a failure as a dad. Let’s avoid the temptation to make child-raising about us. I can no more take the credit for my children’s decisions to follow God than I can take the blame for their decisions to reject him. It’s not about me. Dads, God is calling us to be faithful, and leave the outcome to him.
Don’t wait!
The kiddos grow up so fast. Unfortunately, we often don’t realize this until afterwards.
Raising kids is a temporary assignment. My children are gifts, temporarily placed under my roof and influence. So now is the time for me to devote myself to the role of a dad. No man has ever come to the end of his life, looked back, and said, “Gee, I gave too much of my time and energy to loving my kids.” Quite to the contrary. We look back and wish we had given ourselves more fully to the task. So do it now. The personal projects, hobbies, and golf clubs will all still be there once the kids have left the nest. What personal pursuits might you need to put on hold so you can give yourself more fully to being a dad?
